


When Harley Met Wade

by kierandell1409



Category: DCU, Deadpool (2016), Marvel (Comics)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12059430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierandell1409/pseuds/kierandell1409
Summary: While in search of chimichangas one day, Deadpool comes across an intriguing individual, a lovely lady with a similar attitude and fashion sense. What happens next is exactly as chaotic as you think it is, except more.





	1. Prologue

Spider-Man swung from one building to another, frantically searching for the madman who’d been causing havoc all day. _Where the hell are you Wade?_  
The young hero landed on the side of one building, trying to reach out with his spidey-senses. Nothing. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near…wait, what was that? Peter focused for a moment, then immediately jumped out of the way as a large plant burst through the wall he’d just been clinging to. “Jeez, can’t it just be one bad guy at a time?” asked Spider-Man, landing on a balcony of a building across the street.  
“Move it kid, I have things to do,” said a woman’s voice, and Peter suddenly noticed a woman with red hair, green skin, and wearing a green one-piece was standing on the plant.  
“Sorry lady, but I’m pretty sure breaking a building with a tree is against the law,” said Spider-Man. “I’m going to have to ask you to stop doing that.”  
“I wouldn’t advise stalling me,” said Poison Ivy. “I’m in the middle of stopping someone much more dangerous causing much more trouble.”  
“Wait, you’re trying to stop Deadpool too?” asked Spider-Man.  
“Who? No, I’m looking for my friend Harley,” said Poison Ivy. “You know, wears a lot of red and black, probably carrying a large gun…”  
“You literally just described Deadpool,” said Spider-Man. “And that’s who I’m trying to…” Before Peter could finish his sentence, a loud explosion rang out through the city, causing the two of them to stop and stare.  
“Harley/Wade,” they said at the same time, before heading off towards the explosion.


	2. When Harley Met Wade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade "Deadpool" Wilson has met the most fascinating woman: a clown who's just as crazy as him. Is it a match made in heaven?

“What the hell do you mean you’re out of chimichangas?” demanded Deadpool. “Your sign says all you can eat, and I haven’t eaten all I can yet.”  
“Si senor,” said the man behind the counter. “But you see, you’ve already eaten more than we have cooked, so…’  
“Hey, I didn’t come here to be talked down to by a racist stereotype of a Mexican immigrant,” said Deadpool. “Now, feed me or I’ll personally help the president dam the Canadian border.”  
“Senor, I believe the president wants to build a wall on the Mexican border,” said the worker.  
“I KNOW WHAT I SAID!” said Deadpool, bringing his fist back to strike the worker. As he did, his first hit something metal, and a loud clang was heard. “Colostomy? Is that you?”  
“It’s Colossus,” said Colossus. “And Wade, you’re being very rude to this hard working man.”  
“Listen Clusterfuck,” said Deadpool. “This doesn’t concern you, it concerns me because I’m not eating anything right now.”  
“It’s Colossus,” repeated Colossus. “And it does concern me, since I know what you’re planning to do to this man.”  
“Oh my God, is Professor X here too?” asked Deadpool. “Well? Where is he Kim Kardashian?” The next thing Deadpool knew, he was flying through the front window of the store.  
“Was that necessary?” asked Negasonic Teenage Warhead.  
“Did you hear what he just called me?” asked Colossus.  
“…fair point,” said Negasonic Teenage Warhead.

Out on the street, Deadpool flew through the window of a passing cab and landed comfortably in the backseat, his head across someone’s lap. “Ah, I like this spot,” he said, snuggling in.  
“Excuse me!” said an offended sounding female, and Deadpool yelped as he felt a large flat object collide with his balls.  
“Excuse me? Excuse you,” squeaked Deadpool, in a very high pitched voice and sitting up. “Who brings a large novelty hammer in a cab?”  
“This isn’t a cab, it’s an Uber,” said the woman, who was wearing clown make-up and clothes.  
“No, it’s a cab. The driver’s my buddy Dopinder,” said Deadpool. “Hey Dopinder.”  
“Hello Mr. Pool,” said Dopinder. “But, uh, the lady is right. I’m an Uber driver now.”  
“What? What happened to your cab?” asked Deadpool.  
“Well, after the whole incident with Bandhu…” started Dopinder.  
“Oh, right,” said Deadpool. “So, where are we heading?”  
“We?” asked the clown girl. “Who said you were coming?”  
“Well, the author decided that I would meet someone named Harley and that we’d have some wild adventures together,” said Deadpool. “Speaking of which, are you Harley?”  
“I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about, or how you came to that conclusion, but yes, I’m Harley,” said Harley Quinn.  
“Cool, we can proceed with the plot then,” said Deadpool. “Out of curiosity, are you based on the Arleen Sorkin version of your character or the Margot Robbie version?”  
“Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?” asked Harley.  
“You’re right, that’s like asking if I’m based on the Ryan Reynolds or Takahata101 version of my character,” said Deadpool. “Onwards Dopinder, there’s fuckery to spread.”

“Here we are,” said Harley, getting out of the Uber.  
“A carnival?” asked Deadpool. “Ooh, can we play Whack-A-Mole? I’m sure with your hammer you’ll be able to hit all of them without aiming.”  
“I like the way you think,” said Harley, a wicked smile creeping across her face. “I need to smile after Mr. J tried to burn me alive again.”  
“That’s terrible,” gasped Deadpool. “Well, let me show you how much of a gentleman I am. First, I’ll pay for our ride.” Deadpool walked up to Dopinder’s window, and held up his hand. “Here you go buddy: one crisp high-five.”  
“Actually sir…” started Dopinder, but Deadpool had already slapped his hand, and was leading Harley towards the front gates of the amusement park. Dopinder sighed, and turned his car around to find another fare.

“So, where to first?” asked Deadpool.  
“Ooh look, bumper cars,” said Harley, pointing at them through the fence.  
“What are we waiting for? Let’s go,” said Deadpool, dragging Harley through the gate towards the attraction.  
“Sir, you need to pay for…” called a guy in the ticket booth, but the two anti-heroes had already jumped the line for the ride.  
A blond man who was at the fair looked up, and saw Harley with someone in red and black he didn’t recognise. “Oh, this can’t be good,” said Barry Allen. “I’d better get some back-up.” Barry disappeared quickly, leaving a slipstream where he’d been.  
“I wonder how hard these things can hit other things,” said Harley, putting on her seatbelt.  
“Let’s find out, shall we?” said Deadpool from the car next to her. “Think of it as an experiment.”  
“Betcha I can hit the Ferris Wheel from here,” said Harley.  
“You’re on,” said Deadpool as the ride started.  
At first, all the two of them did was bump other riders around, laughing as they did. Then Harley began riding with a purpose, intentionally avoid other riders and building up more and more speed. “Ooh, this is gonna get dangerous,” said Harley, a wicked looking grin on her face.  
“I wonder who’s she’s gonna hit,” said Deadpool, before suddenly realising he was directly in the path between her and the Ferris Wheel. “Well, at least I have my seatbelt on.” Harley rammed into the side of Deadpool’s car hard, and sent it flying into the side of the Ferris Wheel. The car hit with such force that several support beams shattered. Deadpool’s bumper car crashed to the ground, but seemed to still be working.

“WOO! That was fun,” said Harley, pulling up beside him. “So, where to next?”  
“Well, the rollercoaster’s just over there,” said Deadpool. “And the author has decided to suspend the physics behind bumper cars for this fanfic.”  
“Okay, but only if we get to go backwards around the track,” said Harley.  
“Alright then. After you, My Lady of Laughter,” said Deadpool. Harley began driving her car towards the rollercoaster, as Deadpool zoomed past her. “Eat my dust,” he called as he passed her.  
“Hey, no fair. You didn’t say we were racing,” said Harley, quickening her own pace.  
“I think it was very fair,” said Deadpool. “You got a head start, I don’t tell you about the race. Sounds fair to me.”  
“You’re sneaky. I like it,” said Harley, driving her bumper car through a crowd of people and onto the rails, Deadpool in hot pursuit.  
“And now the fun begins,” said Deadpool, trying to slip around to the side of Harley.  
“There’s only one track. I’ve already won this,” said Harley.  
“Unless I do this,” said Deadpool, turning to the left. His bumper car drove along the side of the ride for a few moments, then he pulled hard to the right, now in front of Harley.  
“Ooh, that looks like fun,” said Harley. “I wanna try.” Harley pulled hard to the right, and just like Deadpool did before, drove along the side of the ride until she had the lead on the Merc with a Mouth, then pulled herself back onto the tracks. “This is the best day ever.”  
“You know, I feel like we’re forgetting something,” said Deadpool as they enter a tunnel. At that moment, there was the sound of a horn, and the two of them looked up to see an approaching light. “Oh, right. That.”  
“Should we go back?” asked Harley, as a loud cracking sound was heard. Suddenly, the Ferris Wheel, which had now broken free of its support beams, rolled through the tunnel, taking the rollercoaster train with it and rolling towards the nearby ocean.  
“Nah, something ridiculously convenient like that was always going to happen,” said Deadpool. “According to TV Tropes, it’s called a Deus Ex Machina.”  
“What about the people in the Ferris Wheel?” asked Harley.  
“Don’t worry, they’re getting their own Deus Ex Machina,” said Deadpool. “Look.”

Over on a nearby cliff, Hawkeye and Black Widow stood and watched in horror at the events unfolding. “You sure you’re going to make the shot?” asked Romanoff.  
“Of course I’m sure,” said Hawkeye, lining up his arrow. “What’s the worst that could happen?”  
“Budapest,” said Romanov.  
“Hey, those nuns had it coming,” said Hawkeye. “Okay, here goes.” Hawkeye fired his arrow, which exploded into a giant net which spread across the bay that the Ferris Wheel was rolling towards. “See, piece of cake.”  
“As long as it’s reinforced,” said Romanov.  
“Oh, right,” said Hawkeye as the net began to slip towards the water. “Hal, if you wouldn’t mind.”  
“I told you a net arrow was a stupid idea,” said Green Lantern, floating down to the broken ride and carrying it back to safety.  
“Damn it, why did it have to be that asshole that saved it?” said Deadpool. “I’m blaming you for this Barton.” Deadpool sighed heavily. “Well, I guess we’re done here.”  
“Nope, not yet,” said Harley. “I still haven’t won my Whack-A-Mole prize.” Harley grinned wickedly as she pulled out her giant hammer and began making her way back to the game, Deadpool not far behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can tell this is going to be fun to write. Thanks for reading, and if you have any Marvel/DC characters you want me to include, feel free to let me know.


	3. Grand Chaos Auto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and Wade steal a monster truck, then get chased by vigilantes/bounty hunters/anti-heroes. It's exactly as chaotic as it sounds.

**1 hour later**

“Attention all units,” came the call on the police scanner. “Two costumed individuals, a man and a woman, have destroyed the New York carnival. Heroes Green Lantern and Hawkeye have prevented most of the casualties, but the two fugitives, known by many as Deadpool and Harley Quinn, are still on the loose. All units are advised to approach with EXTREME caution and under no circumstance to do so alone. The suspects are armed and extremely dangerous, and officers are reminded that they may shoot on sight if given the chance…” CLICK. The radio was turned off.  
“Hey Lobo, some of us were listening to that,” said a man wearing a black t-shirt with a skull on it.  
“Oh, I’m sorry, is Franky worried the police know something about those two we don’t?” snarked a pale white alien who looked almost human. Frank glared at him. “Let’s face it: if anyone’s gonna take those two down, it’s one of us.”  
“Are you suggesting we take care of this?” asked a man wearing an orange and black mask.  
“Well Slade, I don’t know about you, but I think there’d be quite a hefty bounty on their heads after this,” said Lobo. “And with a team like this, who’d be able to stop us?”  
“And why is Skeletor here?” asked Deadthstroke, indicating a man with a flaming skull.  
“You ever try fighting a skeleton wielding hellfire?” asked Ghost Rider, standing up. “This will not end well for them, we’ll make sure of that.”  
“It’ll be a game,” said Lobo. “Whoever takes them out gets the bounty, or splits it if two of us take them down.”  
“Clown girl will be easy,” said Deathstroke. “She’s crazy and dangerous, but she’s also only a normal human. Nothing we haven’t faced before, I’m sure.”  
“The Merc is what concerns me” said Punisher. “He can’t be killed easily. Even a point blank shotgun blast to the head won’t be enough to put him down for good.”  
“So we keep killing him until he stops coming back,” said Deathstroke. “Serves him right for stealing my name.”  
“Easy Slade, we’ll have plenty of time for that later,” said Lobo. “Gentlemen, we leave in an hour. Prepare well, and good hunting.” The group nodded in agreement, before going their separate ways to get ready for the task at hand.

“What are we gonna do now?” asked Harley, now carrying an oversized teddy bear.  
“Hmm…how about a nice relaxing car ride,” said Deadpool.  
“What? That sounds boring,” whined Harley.  
“Not in what I’ve got in mind,” said Deadpool, nodding to his right. Harley followed his gaze, and saw a large monster truck parked there.  
“Ooh…” said Harley. “Can I drive first? Please?”  
“Too late, I’m already in the truck,” said Deadpool, sitting behind the steering wheel. “Now, are you coming or not?”  
“Not gonna get very far without the keys,” said Harley, walking up to the truck.  
“Not unless I hotwire it,” said Deadpool. “Now, which wire do I…” Before he could finish his sentence, he heard a sickening THWACK, and a guy flew past his open door. Seconds later, Harley appeared, twirling a set of keys around her finger.  
“Passenger’s seat. Now,” said Harley.  
Deadpool sighed heavily. “Fine,” he said, moving over to the passenger’s seat. “But just think of all my hilarious electrocutions you’re missing out on because of this.”  
“Shut up and watch me kick this baby into high gear,” said Harley, jumping into the driver’s seat and starting the engine.  
“I should put on a seatbelt,” said Deadpool, reaching behind him, then stopping. “Actually, fuck it. It’ll be more fun this way. Plus, the author has, like, five more chapters planned. He’s not killing off a title character this early.”  
“Here we go,” said Harley, slamming her foot onto the accelerator. The monster truck screeched to life, demolishing anything in its path. “WOO! This is gonna be awesome.”  
“And with no negative repercussions,” said Deadpool. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen if we drive recklessly through the busiest city in the world in an oversized vehicle designed for destruction?”  
The two of them zoomed past an alley, where they were observed by a skeleton on a motorcycle. “I’ve got the targets in my sights,” he said into a walkie talkie, before kicking his bike to life and following them.  
“Oh, right, we might attract unwanted attention,” said Deadpool, looking out the window to see Ghost Rider coming up behind them fast.  
“Is that a problem?” asked Harley, seeing the flaming skeleton for herself.  
“Nah, it’s JUST Ghost Rider,” said Deadpool. “Ooh, and whoever that is.”  
“Lobo,” said Harley, seeing the second motorbike behind them. “I’ll see if I can shake them.”  
“Do you think he’s working with them?” asked Deadpool, pointing ahead of them. Harley joined his gaze and saw the road blocked off by Punisher.  
“Hang on Deady,” said Harley, turning the wheel hard to the left. Deadpool fell sideways and the truck turned, and landed on something soft.  
“Ahh, feels like home,” said Deadpool, nestling in against whatever it was.  
“HEY! Hands off,” said Harley, throwing him off her boobs and against the door.

The Punisher watched them drive down the side street, then pulled out his walkie talkie. “They’re heading your way,” he said. “Get ready Slade.”  
“Target in sight,” said Deathstroke from the top of a small building. He waited for the right moment, when they were just about to pass him, then jumped down onto the top of the speeding monster truck.  
“What now?” asked Harley, swerving to see if she could dislodge whatever had just fallen on the truck.  
“I’ll have a look,” said Deadpool, opening the sunroof. He poked his head out, when immediately a gunshot was heard, and Deadpool’s limp body fell back into the truck, a hole through his brain.  
“DEADY!” cried Harley, still swerving wildly.  
“What?” asked Deadpool, the hole already repairing itself.  
“How…how are you doing that?” asked Harley.  
“Accelerated healing factor,” said Deadpool dismissively. “I pretty much can’t die, which would be great if I didn’t look like a giant fucking tumour. Speaking of fucking a tumour…”  
“No,” said Harley. “Who’s up there?”  
“Deathstroke,” said Deadpool. “Don’t worry, I beat him in Death Battle. I’ll take care of this.” Without another word, he climbed out of the cab of monster truck, only to be shot back in. “He’s a little testy today.”  
“And we have company,” said Harley, pointing out the two motorbikes and a Pontiac behind them.  
“I have an idea,” said Deadpool. “Not a good idea, not even a sane or smart idea, but…”  
“Sounds fun. What do I have to do?” asked Harley.  
“Here, take my guns,” said Deadpool, holding out his handguns for her.  
“Don’t worry, I brought my own,” said Harley, pulling out a large pistol.  
“I knew there was something I liked about you,” said Deadpool. “Now, keep those three busy. I need to give them their friend back.” And with that, Deadpool began climbing back out the sunroof.  
“Really? Again?” asked Harley, then sighed as she checked to see how close their pursuers were. Ghost Rider and Lobo had basically drawn level with the doors to the truck. Lobo was even reaching for the driver’s door. Harley smashed the window out of the car, and started firing at him.  
“Quit it girly, someone’ll get hurt,” yelled Lobo.  
“That’s the fucking point,” said Harley, swerving towards him to try and knock him off his bike. Unfortunately, he managed to grab the door handle, and ripped it off its hinges as he entered. “Umm, Deady? We have a problem.”  
“Kinda busy right now,” said Deadpool, trying to hang on to the top of the car. Luckily for him, Deathstroke was having a hard time trying to hang on too, so he hadn’t shot him this time. “Can you keep this thing moving straight?”  
“I’m not even driving right now,” said Harley.  
“Not comforting,” said Deadpool, .  
“Come here bitch,” said Lobo, reaching out to grab her. Harley threw herself into the passenger seat, grabbed her hammer from the backseat, and smacked Lobo across the face. Lobo lost his grip on the inside of the truck, but managed to hang on to the frame of the door.  
“Do you know what I did to the last guy who called me that?” asked Harley. “Let’s just say by the end of it, his face was whiter and mouth was redder than normal.”  
“How about I do that to you?” asked someone else, and Harley’s eyes widened as the Punisher pulled himself into the cab of the car. At that same moment, the passenger side door was ripped off the hinges, and the flaming skeleton was climbing aboard too.  
“Things are about to get messy,” said Ghost Rider.  
“Yeah, for you,” said Harley, climbing to the back seat. “Deady, get ready to bail.” Without waiting for a reply, Harley shot out the back window and threw herself through it, rolling as she landed.  
“What did she…” started Punisher, as he turned to see no-one was driving, and the truck was heading straight for a brick wall. “Oh shit…” The monster truck smashed into the wall, exploding on impact. As the smoke cleared, Harley could see their four pursuers entangled among the wreckage, unconscious but alive.

“WOO!” cried Harley in celebration, then started looking around. “Hey, Wade, you okay? Where are you?” In response, Harley heard some random mumbling. She turned to see the lower part of Deadpool’s body sticking out of a trashcan. “Stop playing around Wade, we haven’t finished our little date.” Harley pulled hard, and finally dislodged Deadpool from the bin.  
“I thought this wasn’t a date,” said Deadpool.  
“And I thought you said you were a fucking tumour,” said Harley, putting emphasis on the word fucking, which caught Deadpool’s attention. “Come on, we’ve got plenty more to do today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just remember, if you have any Marvel or DC characters you’d like me to squeeze into this thing, just let me know. Until next time guys…


	4. Robbing the Rich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool and Harley decide to crash a billionaire's party. Hijinks ensue.

“Well, that was fun,” said Deadpool, as they left the wreckage of the monster truck. “So, where are we going next?”  
“How about a party?” asked Harley.  
“Great idea,” said Deadpool. “Can’t wait to boogie down…boogie down? Kieran, is that something anyone says anymore?”  
“Shut up asshole, this is my fanfic, and you’ll say what I want you to say,” said an ominous booming voice.  
“That was…odd,” said Harley, unsure of what to make of that. “But the party I’m talking about is that one.” Harley pointed out to a boat on the harbour.  
“Hey, that’s the billionaire’s party boat being sponsored by Stark Industries and Wayne Enterprises,” said Deadpool. “And I only know that because the story demands it.”  
“Now the only question is how we’re going to get out there,” said Harley.  
“Will this work?” asked Deadpool, jumping into a small rowboat.  
“It would if you had oars with which to row us out there,” said Harley.  
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered,” said Deadpool, pulling out a six-pack of beer. He removed the plastic rings from the top of the cans, and threw it into the water. “Come on, jump in.”  
“What are you…” started Harley, as a fish surfaced with the plastic ring around its neck.  
“Any second now…” said Deadpool expectantly. Sure enough, a few seconds later bubbles appeared around the fish, and suddenly Arthur Curry popped out of the water.  
“Don’t worry little buddy,” said Aquaman, gently grabbing the fish and sliding the plastic ring off of it. “There you go. Now go, be fre…ARGHH!” Before he could finish his sentence, a couple of ropes wrapped themselves around him. Aquaman struggled against them, but couldn’t get loose.  
“Onwards fishboy,” said Deadpool. “It’s the only way you can reasonably be used in this fanfic.”  
“Fuck…you…Deadpool,” choked Aquaman, trying to get loose, while he slowly and unintentionally pulled them towards the party boat.

“Alfred, he’s late,” said Bruce Wayne impatiently. “I knew he would, and yet I still agreed to go along with this.”  
“Master Wayne, you know what Mr. Stark is like,” said Alfred. “He likes to make an entrance. The more…flamboyant, the better.” The sound of a loud engine was heard, followed by a THUD coming from above them. “Speak of the devil…”  
“I wish that was an exaggeration,” said Bruce, as the elevator dinged to reveal a man in a red suit of armour that was slowly detaching itself from its host.  
“Brucey, buddy, how ya been?” asked Tony enthusiastically, shaking Bruce’s hand with as much force as possible.  
“You’re late Stark,” said Bruce, clearly unamused by his antics.  
“Oh, come on Bruce, it’s a party. Lighten up,” said Tony. Bruce was still glaring at him. “Jeez Al, how do you put up with gloom and doom over here?”  
“After thirty years of this, you get used to it,” said Alfred indifferently.  
“Sheesh, that’s just depressing. And I’m the one with the alcohol problem,” said Tony, taking a sip from a flask he had hidden in his jacket.  
“Are you already drunk?” asked Bruce accusingly.  
“Oh, this?” asked Tony, holding up the flask. “Nah, I’m only mildly tipsy right now.”  
“Blood alcohol concentration at 0.15,” said a bodiless mechanical voice.  
“Gee, thanks JARVIS,” muttered Tony. “Come on, let’s go in.” Tony led the way through a pair of double doors. Bruce just sighed and followed him.

“Ah, Mr. Stark,” said an African man as Tony entered the room. “It has been a while.”  
“T'Challa, buddy, how are things?” said Tony, shaking his hand. “I hear the Vibranium industry’s hit an all-time high.”  
“Indeed it has, Mr. Stark,” said T’Challa. “And I hear your company’s had a hit with…what does your company do again?”  
“Bit of everything,” said Tony. “And hey, it’s Stark, so everything’s a hit.” The two men chuckled about the comment, then continued chatting.  
“Such arrogance,” said Bruce under his breath. “Why did I agree to this?”  
“Relax Mr. Wayne, it’s for charity, isn’t it?” asked a bald man standing next to him.  
“Lex? Huh, wasn’t expecting you to be here,” said Bruce. “Shouldn’t you be trying to kill Superman or something?”  
“And I will get back to that,” said Lex. “But constantly losing to a man who can move a planet by himself does tend to get a little tiring.”  
“Speak for yourself,” muttered Bruce loud enough for Lex to hear, fidgeting with his Kryptonite ring as he did.  
Lex glared at him. “Anyway,” said Lex, notably more annoyed than before. “Today is an off day. I’m allowed one or two of those, aren’t I?”  
“Is that why you have a security detail watching our every movement?” asked Bruce, pointing out very discreetly hidden men dotted around the room.  
“I’m a famous man. It’s good to be prepared for some…unforeseen disaster,” said Lex.  
“Like what?” asked Bruce, as the skylight to the room smashed, and Aquaman fell through. He landed in a heap on the floor, unconscious.  
“That’s not what I had in mind, but I suppose it counts as an example,” said Lex.  
“Hey Bruce, what do we do about your buddy?” asked Tony. “Do we, like, call Greenpeace to push him back in the ocean?”  
“The better question is: who could do this to Arthur?” asked Bruce, walking calmly to his team mate.  
“That would be me,” said Deadpool, jumping through the now broken skylight and doing a superhero landing as he hit the ground. “Ah, shit, broken glass. Forgot about that.”  
“And you forgot about me,” said Harley, jumping through the skylight after him and landing on top of him.

“Someone call security, those two are not billionaires,” said Stan Lee, making his obligatory cameo.  
“Hey, have you seen half the people on this boat?” asked Tony, holding out his arms. “We are the security.” A door opened, and Tony’s Iron Man suit flew onto him.  
“Ooh, we get to fight him too?” asked Deadpool, getting his guns read as T’Challa stepped in front of him.  
“Wade Wilson,” said T’Challa. “Leave. This is a peaceful event, and your presence is unappreciated.”  
“Fuck off ni…” started Deadpool, then cut himself off. “HEY! I don’t have the privilege to use that word Kieran, and neither do you.”  
“I don’t know what you wanted to call me,” said T’Challa. “But I can’t say I’m particularly happy about it. Now leave.”  
“Not happening kitty,” said Deadpool, kicking T’Challa hard between the legs. “Besides, Stark challenged me first.”  
“You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us,” said Bruce, stepping forward to attack Deadpool. However, before he could get too close, Harley hit him over the head with her hammer, knocking him off his feet. Harley laughed with glee as she continued assaulting the billionaire.  
“Hmm, the Bat’s not so tough after all,” said Lex, sneaking out one of the rear entrances.  
“Hey Wilson,” said Iron Man, now wearing his whole battle suit. “Time you left.”  
“And how do you intend to…” started Deadpool, as Iron Man raised one hand and blasted him with a repulsor ray. “Oh, right, you have those.” Deadpool jumped back up. “But that’s hardly enough to…” Iron Man blasted him with another repulsor ray.  
“I know,” said Iron Man. “I just feel like playing with you before throwing you off the boat.”  
“Tony, this is not the time to play around,” said Bruce, holding Harley’s hammer back. “Innocent people could be hurt if you don’t take this seriously.”  
“Not to mention the ship could sink if you do too much damage to it,” said T’Challa, struggling to stand up, before falling back down. “AHH! My yarn balls.”  
“You’re right, I’m not causing enough damage,” said Deadpool, running to the exit. “Seeya, gonna go see what the worst possible button I can press is so I can press it several times.”  
“Get back here,” snapped Iron Man, flying after him.

“Great, that’s not going to end well,” said Bruce, managing to disarm Harley. “What about you? Won’t your ‘Puddin’ get jealous of you hanging out with another man?”  
“Pfft, fuck that jerk,” said Harley, keeping a small amount of distance between herself and the Bat so that she could try and get her hammer back. “Do you know what his idea of a date was? Car battery attached to my nipples and the flaps of my cu…”  
“Why am I not surprised?” interrupted Bruce in a mutter, carefully watching her. “So you finally came to your senses?”  
“I wouldn’t say that,” said Harley. “I mean, I’m still fighting you, right?”  
“I guess you…” started Bruce, as Harley darted forward and snatched her hammer back. “Hmmf, clever girl,” he said, as Harley brought her hammer down on his head.

Meanwhile, Deadpool continued to run away from Iron Man. “Come on man, just let me trash this place.”  
“Sure thing,” said Iron Man. “Just pay me for all the damages and you can do whatever you like.”  
“Aww, please Tony?” asked Deadpool. “I’ll be your…AHA!” All of a sudden, Deadpool stopped, turned, and fired one of his guns. The bullet missed Iron Man by a wide margin, and Deadpool dropped to the floor to avoid being spear tackled by the armoured billionaire.  
“You missed,” said Iron Man as he flew over Deadpool’s head.  
“Intentionally,” said Deadpool casually, pointing his gun at Iron Man’s foot as he passed over him. He pulled the trigger, and shot out one of the suit’s power thrusters.  
“Son of a bitch,” cursed Iron Man as he fell out of the air and started bouncing along the ground.  
“Ooh, not sure Disney would approve of that language,” said Deadpool, before seeing a big red button. “Hey, what’s this button do?”  
“Don’t push that, it’s the self-destruct button,” said Iron Man, getting back to his feet and launching himself at Wade with his one good foot thruster.  
“Why do they always make that button big and red?” asked Deadpool, as he got tackled by Iron Man. Before he got too far though, he paused.  
“Big red?” asked Iron Man. “Oh, you just saw a pointless button. I was talking about the small purple button next to it.”  
“What?” asked Deadpool, having another look. Sure enough, there was a small purple button next to the big red button. “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” Deadpool began smacking Iron Man’s arm.  
“What are you…” started Iron Man, then realised what Deadpool was doing a moment too late as one of his rocket popped out of his arm, and blew up Deadpool’s hand. One of his fingers flew across the room, and hit the purple button.  
“Exactly as planned,” said Deadpool. “High fi…” As he raised his hand, he realised it was the one he just blew off. “Oh, never mind. I better go get Harley.” Iron Man just watched dejectedly as Deadpool ran off, sighed, then went to see if he could help get anyone off the boat.

“Well, it was fun being here today,” said Lex, lowering one of the lifeboats into the water. “But now I must be…”  
“Make way, we’re getting out of here,” cried Harley, grabbing Lex out of the boat and throwing him into the water.  
“You crazy woman. These things seat ten, and there are still empty ones,” said Lex.  
“Yeah, but yours was already in the water,” said Deadpool. “Plus we haven’t done anything to you yet.”  
“Hmm, I got off pretty easy then,” said Lex.  
“Just wait,” said Harley, as the two of them left as quickly as possible.  
“What did they mean by that?” asked Lex, as the boat he’d just been on exploded.

Out of the explosion came a man in a red suit of armour, carrying a man wearing black. “Hey Batsy,” said Iron Man.  
“Please don’t,” said Bruce.  
“ _I can show you the world…_ ” sang Iron Man.  
“Shut the fuck up Stark,” said Bruce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, if there’s any Marvel or DC characters you want to see make a cameo in this, feel free to let me know. Until next time guys…


	5. Suicide Squad vs X-Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of paintball turns deadly, because of course it would.

“This has been the best day ever,” said Harley as the two of them pulled into port. Behind them, the billionaire party boat was still sinking into the water. “But I’m not sure what to do next.”  
“How about some paintball?” asked Deadpool, pointing at a billboard advertising it. “That could be fun.”  
“It says they need at least five players per team though,” said Harley.  
“Well, I guess we’ll have to make some phone calls,” said Deadpool. “I’ll meet you at the range in an hour. We’ll see what we can do.”

“Well, the line break indicates that an hour has passed,” said Deadpool. “So Harley, who’d you get?”  
“I’m glad you asked,” said Harley. “Introducing my team: Captain Boomerang, Deadshot, Katana, Killer Croc, and Enchantress.”  
“Your team? For what?” demanded Deadshot. “You said we had a mission, and that we’d be paid for it.”  
“She offered to pay you?” asked Boomerang. “She just threatened me by saying a dingo eating my baby would be the least of my worries.”  
“I was told I’d get to crush the Bat,” said Killer Croc.  
“Naze watashi wa koko ni imasu ka?” asked Katana, getting a confused look from everyone.  
“Sorry, what was your name again?” asked Deadpool, looking over at Enchantress.  
“Oh, I’m Enchantress,” she said, when suddenly she started to shake and convulse. The word ‘Enchantress’ continued to echo through the air, until suddenly Enchantress had an evil glint in her eye, and vanished without a trace.  
“Well, that was ominous,” said Deadpool.  
“And now I’m a man down,” said Harley.  
“To be fair, I only had four team members,” said Deadpool. “Introducing: Wolverine, Rogue, Cable, and Domino.”  
“What the fuck are we even doing here?” asked Wolverine.  
“I think Wadey’s up to some of his shenanigans,” said Domino.  
“I swear to god Wade, if you’ve dragged me out here for some menial bullshit…” started Wolverine.  
“Yeah? What are you gonna do Wolvy?” asked Deadpool. “Remember, you’ve stabbed me in the brain before, and I’m still standing. Plus, you’re at the whim of the writer right now, so you’re gonna have to go along with this.”  
“Why am I here?” asked Rogue. “I’m not even a part of the X-Force.”  
“Because someone requested you to be in this, and now you’re here,” said Deadpool. “Get over it.”

“So, Deady,” said Domino. “You gathered us here to play paintball? Really?”  
“You guys are screwed. I don’t miss,” said Deadshot.  
“Your name’s too similar to mine,” said Deadpool. “Maybe you should just be called Floyd.”  
“Do that, and I’ll put a bullet in every part of your body,” said Floyd.  
“Good thing you can’t see what the author’s doing then,” said Deadpool. “Now, everyone grab a gun, and shoot the shit out of the other team.”  
“Should we load them with paint rounds first?” asked Cable.  
“If you want,” said Deadpool. “I mean, I don’t care, they won’t kill me. Wolvy’s probably fine too.”  
“They might not kill me, but they still hurt like hell,” said Wolverine. “Now bub, if you want to continue with this stupidity, I may have to stick these something neither sanitary or comfortable.” Metal claws shot out of Wolverine’s hand, which he waved threateningly in front of Deadpool.  
“I love when you talk dirty to me Logan,” said Deadpool. “Alright, let’s start.”  
“Finally,” said Floyd, raising his gun and firing five rounds, each hitting a member of the X-Force. “Well, guess we win.”  
“Hey, come on,” said Domino. “You have to give us a chance to get ready.”  
“In my experience, giving someone a chance is the best way to lose,” said Floyd.  
“Hey bub, do you have any idea what it takes to clean red paint off a yellow suit?” asked Wolverine.  
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Floyd, loading another round into his gun. He took aim, and shot Wolverine with a yellow paintball. “There, fixed.”  
“So, do we actually get to do anything?” asked Captain Boomerang. “Because if this is just gonna be people yelling at each other about nothing, I might just go to the nearest pub, have a couple of frothies…”  
“Zip it, kangadouche,” said Rogue. “Do you even have any powers?”  
“I can do this,” said the Australian, throwing a boomerang at Rogue’s head, causing a large gash on her temple as it struck her.  
“You’re gonna regret that, asshole,” said Cable. “I’m gonna…” Before he could finish his sentence, Killer Croc ran up to him and punched him in the back of the head.  
“You talk too much,” said Croc. “Who’s next?”  
“I thought you’d never ask,” said Wolverine, claws extended and charging at the large reptilian man.  
“Nani ga okotte iru?” asked Katana, drawing her blade. “Watashi wa dare ka o korosubekidesu ka? Watashi wa dare ka o korosu tsumoridesu.” Katana ran towards the fight, preparing to fight whoever challenged her.  
“You gonna be okay Rogue?” asked Domino, carefully helping her up.  
“I’ll be fine once I kick the shit out of that Kiwi,” said Rogue.  
“KIWI?!” snapped Captain Boomerang. “You just crossed a line that shouldn’t be crossed missy.”  
“Bring it,” said Rogue, taking her gloves off.  
Over to the side of the battle, Deadpool and Harley watched with amusement as the scene unfolded around them. “So, is it just me, or is this not going at all like you expected?” asked Deadpool.  
“Definitely not,” said Floyd, walking up next to them.  
“Who said you could join us?” demanded Harley, pushing him into the fray. Floyd stumbled a bit, then crashed into Domino.  
“You got a death wish or something?” asked Domino.  
“Oh, you think I’m gonna miss from here?” asked Floyd, raising his gun. As he fired, Domino stepped towards him, and the bullet zoomed past her, not even touching her. “What the fuck?”  
“Guess I’m just lucky,” said Domino, kicking Floyd in the balls.

“This was fun,” said Harley. “You wanna go do something else?”  
“Like what?” asked Deadpool, as Captain Boomerang got thrown across battlefield and landed in front of them. Out of his coat pocket fell a note. Deadpool picked it up and began reading. “Dear dickhead, you have insulted the honour of the Godbogan for the last time. As such, you are invited/threatened to compete in a game of Australian Roulette at three o’clock. Sincerely, the Australian mafia.”  
“Australia has a mafia?” asked Harley.  
“Who cares? I wanna see how this plays out,” said Deadpool, heading off towards the competition grounds. Before he could get far though, a huge explosion was heard, and an electrical beam shot towards the sky from downtown. "Did we do that?" asked Deadpool, genuinely confused.  
"Nah, probably Enchantress trying to destroy the world again," said Harley. "Come on, I wanna meet this Australian mafia."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any Marvel or DC characters you’d like to see appear, just let me know. Also, I’m sure some of you are wondering what Katana said. Well…see you next time.


	6. G’Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deadpool and Harley meet the leader of the Australian mafia...and immediately piss him off.

“This is the place,” said Deadpool. “I know because the author wouldn’t have us come here if it wasn’t. Plus, he didn’t say where the challenge was in the first place, so he had to skip the part where we learn the address or else there’d be a continuity error. Not that Kieran gives a shit about that stuff anyway.”  
“Seriously, what the fuck are you even talking about?” asked Harley. “You’re talking like we’re a part of a novel or something.”  
“Which reminds me,” said Deadpool. “Kieran needs to stop being a lazy shit and actually finish editing his novel. He might actually accomplish something with his life if he does that.”  
“Who the fuck is this Kieran you keep talking about?” asked Harley.  
“Let’s go in, shall we?” asked Deadpool, leading the thoroughly confused Harley through the front gates.

“Well George, so nice of you to join us,” said a man wearing a cork hat, before looking closer at the two. “Wait, you ain’t ‘im. What the bloody hell’s goin’ on?”  
“Oh, well, you see,” said Deadpool. “Your buddy got kind of caught up with…something. Totally not our fault, I swear. And now we’re here in his place.”  
“Bah, just like George to skip out on us,” said the Godbogan. “Anyway, me name’s Barry, but you folks can call me Bazza.”  
“Good, because this whole situation has become bizarre,” said Harley.  
“Can we call you something else?” asked Deadpool. “Barry Allen already appeared in this fanfic, and I’m not too crazy about having two characters with the same name in the same fic.”  
“What the fuck’s he talking about?” asked Barry.  
“No idea. He keeps talking like we’re living in some kind of world of fiction,” said Harley.  
“That’s crazy. It’s like saying flying aliens allergic to their home planet and frozen super soldiers from the Second World War are unrealistic and impossible,” said Barry.  
“Ooh, I know,” said Deadpool, apparently having heard nothing the other two had just said. “Malcolm Turnball’s your Prime Minister right now, isn’t he? I’ll just name you after him.”  
“Mate, you will take that back right now if you know what’s good for ya,” said Barry.  
“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry,” said Deadpool. “I’ll just call you Abbott, after the last guy.” A large machete suddenly appeared right under Deadpool’s chin. “Ooh, now THAT’S a knife.”  
“Ya just pissed off the wrong man, mate,” said Barry. “I challenge you to Australian Roulette.”  
“Ooh, fun,” said Deadpool. “So, what? You throw a boomerang and if it doesn’t come back you lose?”  
“No,” said Barry. “Nothing anywhere near that safe…”

“Welcome,” said Barry. “This is the Outback Arena.”  
“We have literally just walked out your back door,” said Deadpool. “Did we really need a time skip for that?”  
“The rules for the game are simple,” said the Godbogan, as a couple of his associates brought up boxes of varying sizes. Several of the larger ones were shaking violently. “Pick an animal, and don’t die by it.”  
“Is that it?” asked Deadpool. “Bah, this’ll be easy. Bring ‘em all on.”  
“Are you insane mate?” asked the Godbogan. “Each of these animals is from Australia. We have dozens of different types of snakes and spiders, not to mention an eagle that can carry a sheep, an ostrich with a murder nail on its foot, a poisonous beaver-duck, several sharks and jellyfish, and a koala.”  
“A freaking koala?” asked Deadpool. “You think I’m gonna be intimidated by a teddy bear? Bring them all on.”  
The Godbogan shook his head in disbelief. “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” he said. “Get in the arena, and we’ll release the competition.”  
“Gladly,” said Deadpool, jumping over the barrier into the ring.  
“So, what is dangerous about a koala?” asked Harley, as all the animals began being released into the arena.  
“Oh, you’ll see,” said Barry, and said koala was let loose with everything else.  
“Okay, let’s do this,” said Deadpool, as the cassowary charged up to him and sliced through his chest with its foot claw.  
“Well, that went far shorter than I thought,” said Barry, turning to his subordinates. “Clean out the arena and recage the animals.”  
“Not in that order, right?” asked one of them.  
“Wait, look,” said Harley pointing into the arena.  
Barry ran back and looked at what she was pointing at. “I don’t fucken believe it,” he said, watching as the Merc got back up.  
“Okay, that hurt. A lot,” said Deadpool, as the cassowary turned around to face him again. “But I won’t be caught by surprise twi…” The cassowary rammed into his chest headfirst, forcing its head out through his back.  
“There, now’s he’s down,” said the Godbogan. “So missy, you got anywhere to be, or…”  
“He’s not dead,” said Harley, pointing into the arena.  
“Stone the flaming crows, what the fuck is goin’ on?” asked the Godbogan.  
“Overactive healing factor,” replied Deadpool. “Speaking of which…” Deadpool spun around as quick as he could, and a sickening snap was heard as he used his spinal column to snap the big bird’s neck. “Hey Harley, wanna join? Loser buys pizza.”  
“You’re on,” said Harley, grabbing her hammer and jumping into the fray. As she landed, she landed on two snake’s heads, crushing them. “Guess I’m in front.”  
“No fair, my thing was bigger,” said Deadpool, pulling the bird’s neck out of his chest.  
“Well, next time, find an easier opponent,” said Harley, trying to hit a Tasmanian Tiger with her hammer. “Get over here and become extinct again.”  
“Well, if you can cheat, so can I,” said Deadpool, drawing one of his swords. Carefully, he dipped it into the water, and got one of the box jellyfish’s tentacles wrapped around it. He walked over to a nearby light, smashed it, and threw the tentacle on it. An electrical current flowed through the jellyfish, frying it, and all the things in the water. “Back in the lead. Although I’m pretty sure that’s not how physics works at all.”  
“Are you sure you’re winning?” asked Harley, pointing at a pile of dead animals with her hammer, which was now dripping with blood.  
“Let’s call it even for now then,” said Deadpool. “Now, is there anything le…” All of a sudden, something dropped onto Deadpool’s head. “AH! Dropbear.”  
“It’s just the koala,” said Harley, as the koala dug its claws into Deadpool’s head. “Here, I’ll get it.” Without missing a beat, Harley shot the small bear through its head. And Deadpool’s. “Come along Wadey, you owe me a pizza.” Harley grabbed the Merc by the ear, who couldn’t talk yet, and dragged him out of the arena.

“…and that’s what’s been happening,” said Lex, talking to a man he didn’t trust in the slightest, but who might be the only person to slow down the reign of terror the two black and red antiheroes were causing.  
“Seems like my Harley has been having fun with another man,” said the man in a darkly serious tone, before breaking into an insane chuckle. “I guess I better show her why I’m the best at what I do.” Lex gulped as he saw the pale faced man in a purple suit leave the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re wondering why there were no cameos in this chapter, it’s because I wanted to have the most unlikely mafia possible. Anyway, if there are any characters you want to see, let me know. Until next time…


	7. Laughter’s the Worst Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker vs Deadpool and Harley. Featuring a bunch of others.

“It’s been a fun day,” said Harley, standing atop of a tall building and watching parts of the city descend into chaos. “We should do this again sometime.”  
“Not likely,” said Deadpool. “The author’s got no intention of doing another one of these. Which is weird, because literally every other fanfic he’s done has been part of, or could become, or was intended to be, a part of a series.”  
“So we can’t hang out again?” asked Harley sadly. “I guess we have to do something big to finish this day up. But what can we do?”  
“Don’t worry,” said Deadpool. “Given the title of this chapter, and how the last chapter ended, I’d say we’re in for one final showdown right about…”  
“Hey Harley,” said a blonde woman wearing a black one piece and stockings, swinging onto their rooftop with the aid of a man wearing green and holding a bow.  
“Heya Dinah, how’s it going?” asked Harley, embracing the woman. “Hey Wade, is this who you were talking about?”  
“No, I was not referring to Robin Hood and Maid Marian,” said Deadpool.  
“Robin Hood? PUH-lease, I’m way better than he was,” said Green Arrow.  
“Shut up. You’re only here because you were requested and Kieran forgot to put you in the billionaire party chapter,” said Deadpool. “I was actually referring to…” Before he could finish, high pitched maniacal laugh filled the air, projected through a megaphone. “That.”

“Oh Harley, darling,” said the Joker from the ground. “I’m home.”  
“Go away Mr. J,” yelled Harley. “I’m sick of you never appreciating me. I’ve found a new man who knows how to properly treat a woman.”  
“Jeez, if I’m an improvement, then what the hell did that guy do to her?” asked Deadpool.  
“Everything,” said Black Canary. “And before you ask ‘but what about…’ the answer is yes.”  
“The worst part of this is that I have a pretty fucked up imagination,” said Deadpool.  
“And given what the two of you have been up to this afternoon…” started Green Arrow.  
“Hey, some of that wasn’t us,” said Deadpool. “Probably. We may have had a hand in some of it though.”  
“Come on Harley, what does that walking tumour have that I don’t?” asked the Joker, trying to sound upset.  
“He appreciates when I do something insane for no reason. When’s the last time you did that?” demanded Harley.  
“Harley, come on,” pleaded the Joker, though obviously not sincerely. “How am I supposed to beat the Batman without you?”  
“You’ll just have to find a way to do it Mr. J,” said Harley. “I said it was over between us, and I meant it.”  
“I was afraid of that,” said the Joker. “Which is why I brought a few friends.”  
“That can’t be good,” said Green Arrow, who went over the ledge to see what was happening.

“Introducing my own little band of Outlaws,” said the Joker.  
“You mean MY band of Outlaws,” said one of the people who emerged, wearing a red mask and a black costume with a bat symbol, and a brown jacket.  
The Joker glared at him, and picked up a crowbar. “Are they your Outlaws, Jason?” asked the Joker.  
“N…no sir,” said Red Hood.  
“Good,” said the Joker. “Now, as I was saying, here’s my band of Outlaws. You already know Mr. Todd here. We also have Starfire…”  
“It is a niceness to meet you all,” she said.  
“…an Amazonian pretending to be a Greek goddess…” continued the Joker.  
“My name is Artemis, clown,” snapped Artemis.  
“…evil Superman…” continued the Joker.  
“Me Bizarro,” said Bizarro.  
“…and finally,” continued the Joker, before pausing in confusion. “What were you calling yourself again Roy? Red Arrow? Speedy?”  
“Arsenal,” said Roy Harper.  
“Whatever,” said the Joker. “Point is, Harley, you’re coming with me whether you like it or not, and cancer boy is getting killed.”

“Okay, I might be able to take on a couple of them,” said Black Canary. “Bizarro’s gonna be a problem, though…what’s Deadpool doing?” The group turned around to see Deadpool talking into his phone.  
“Really? At a time like this? Who the hell are you calling?” asked Green Arrow.  
“Alright, gotta go. See you soon,” said Deadpool, hanging up. “Sorry guys, it’s just that when Kefka down there started talking about Outlaws, I got an idea.”  
“Won’t matter who you called,” said Bizarro, landing on the ledge of the roof. “No-one will beat…” A gunshot rang out, and suddenly Bizarro fell off the side of the building.  
Deadpool lowered his gun. “As I was saying,” continued Deadpool. “Pennywise mentioned Outlaws, so I called some Outlaws. They’re kind of a Wild Pack though, so…”  
“That hurt,” said Bizarro, flying back up to the top of the building. “No more Mr. Nice Bizarro.”  
“Ah, right, he probably isn’t affected by bullets like a good villain,” said Deadpool.  
“Why did you have to enrage a guy with freeze vision and heat breath?” asked Black Canary, preparing to face off against him.  
“Those are his powers?” asked Deadpool. “Wow, DC really took the whole opposite thing a long way. Other than the costume, which is just lazy on their part.”  
“Don’t worry guys, I have a kryptonite arrow,” said Green Arrow, nocking an arrow with a green tip and aiming it at Bizarro’s chest.  
“No, WAIT!” yelled Harley, but before she could do anything, Oliver loosed his arrow and hit his target perfectly. “You do know that it’s Superman that’s weakened by green kryptonite, right?”  
“Well, I know that now,” said Green Arrow, as Bizarro pulled the arrow out of his heart.  
“You made me stronger,” said Bizarro, throwing the arrow away. “You die last.”  
“Is it necessary to kill them, Mr. Bizarro?” asked Starfire, floating up to the roof next to him. “Can we not simply take Miss Quinn with us, and leave her kidnappers to think about what they did?”  
“Kidnappers? That’s what Mr. J told you happened?” asked Harley.  
“What? Is there some inaccuracy with his story?” asked Starfire.  
“I’ll say,” said Harley. “You see…” Before she could say anything though, Starfire and Bizarro were knocked off the roof by a sudden blast of sand.

“Sorry we’re late,” said someone materialising before them from sand. “But there’s some crazy witch lady destroying the other half of the city.”  
Black Canary stares at Deadpool and Harley in horror. “What the fuck did you guys do?” she demanded.  
“Okay, I’m about eighty percent sure that wasn’t us,” said Harley.  
“Good to know, because I’m only about sixty percent sure,” said Deadpool. “Now, let me introduce you to Marvel’s Outlaws, as requested by…” Deadpool looks unsure for a moment, before pulling out his phone and checking something. “CRUDEN. Hope you’re happy buddy.”  
“So, who are we fighting?” asked a guy on a rocket powered skateboard. “Is it Spider-Man?”  
“Actually, it’s Jigsaw,” said Deadpool, pointing down to the street where the Joker was standing.  
“Are you even going to try and get my name right?” demanded the Joker.  
“Hisoka, Buggy, Shaggy 2 Dope, Violent J, Sweet Tooth, Ronald MacDonald, Krusty…” started Deadpool.  
“Apparently not,” said the Joker. “Kill him and bring me his head. If it tries to grow back, cut it off again.”  
“This is gonna be fun,” said Deadpool, as the Joker’s last three cronies started to ascend the building. “In the time it’ll take for them to climb up here, I should be able to introduce everyone. Obviously you’ve met Sandman…”  
“I’m gonna crush them,” said Sandman.  
“…the 2000’s punk kid over there is Rocket Racer, in no way connected to a talking raccoon…” continued Deadpool.  
“There’s a talking raccoon in this universe?” asked Rocket Racer.  
“…this is Plot Device from Brave…” continued Deadpool.  
“I’d like to be referred to as Will o’ the Wisp,” said a guy in a green costume.  
“…Nike…” continue Deadpool.  
“I’m Puma,” said Puma, clearly unamused.  
“…and finally, Stalker,” finished Deadpool.  
“Prowler,” said Prowler. “Do I look like a creep to you?”  
“Well…” started Deadpool, just as three figures appeared on the top of the building with them. “Ooh, perfect timing, as I thought. Now team, let’s…” Before he could finish his sentence, Harley swung her hammer, and knocked all three off the side in one fell blow. “Wow, talk about an anti-climax.”

“I’m still here you know,” the Joker called up to them. He looked as though he was about to climb the building himself, then stopped, a smile spreading across his face. “Actually, I might leave you to them.”  
“Leave us to who?” asked Harley, as the Joker got back in his car and sped away. Then she heard it: police sirens, and what sounded like a helicopter. “Oh.”  
“Okay guys, get us out of here,” said Deadpool, then started looking around. “Guys?”  
“We’ve made our obligatory cameo,” said Will o’ the Wisp. “We’re out of here.”  
“Sorry guys, you’re on your own here,” said Black Canary, before leaving with the others in whatever way the Wild Pack got there in the first place.  
“Well fuck you guys too,” said Deadpool, flipping them off as they left.


	8. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Deadpool and Harley escape a building surrounded by cops?
> 
> ...Probably.

“Any good ideas on how we can get out of here?” asked Harley.  
“Let’s see…” said Deadpool, heading over to one of the windows and opening it. “Maybe if we climb out here…” As he stuck his head out the window, a hail of bullets fired into the room. Deadpool fell backwards, now headless.  
“WADE!” cried Harley, as Deadpool’s head began regrowing.  
“Okay, that plan’s out,” said Deadpool, his voice fairly high-pitched after having his head blown off.  
“Huh, I would have thought your head being blown off would kill you,” said Harley.  
“So would I,” said Deadpool. “Kieran probably doesn’t care, it’s his fic and he’s going to do whatever the fuck he wants with it. Including end it with this chapter so he can finally start Total Drama Couples…wait, what?”  
“So this is the end for us, is it?” asked Harley.  
“Yep, we either die here, or some kind of Deus ex Machina will come up and save us,” said Deadpool. Suddenly, something flew through one of the windows, leaving shattered glass all over the floor. The figure stood up and separated, revealing itself to be two people: one in a skin-tight red and blue full body costume, the other a red haired woman in a green costume. “Deus ex Machina it is then.”  
“Wade, seriously, what the fuck man?” demanded Spider-Man.  
“Good to see you too Petey,” said Deadpool.  
“The city is in absolute chaos, and even some of the villains are concerned,” said Poison Ivy. “Harley, you have a LOT of explaining to do.”  
“Aww, come on Pam,” said Harley, snuggling up to Poison Ivy. “We were just having a bit of fun.”  
Poison Ivy sighed. “Next time, try not to cause so much collateral damage,” she said, pecking Harley on the cheek.  
“Wait a minute,” said Deadpool, staring at the two of them. “Are you and you…” Harley and Pamela’s smirks confirmed everything. Wade’s eyes looked like they might burst through his mask. “Damn it, I’m feeling a little blueballed right now. Unless…Petey, would you…”  
“No,” said Peter. “Come on Wade, you have police to talk to.”  
“Did you know I have a teleportation belt?” asked Deadpool. “It didn’t come up until now because I didn’t need it, but …” There was a flash of light, and suddenly Deadpool had vanished.  
“Goddamn it,” said Peter. “Well, I can at least take Harley in…” As Peter turned back to where the two ladies were standing, he saw a large tree branch carrying to two of them away. “Whatever,” sighed Peter. “I need to get ready for Total Drama anyway.” Peter walked back to the window he’d entered and swung out, into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, the ending’s a bit weak, but I didn’t intend for this fic to be particularly long anyway, so I’m ending it here. So, now I have to start Total Drama Couples then. Unless someone votes something else up on the poll on my fanfiction.net profile. They have until I post the next Harry Potter Abridged chapter. Until next time guys…

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, I get to do a new fanfic. AND it features Deadpool. This fic is going to be about Deadpool and Harley Quinn meeting up and deciding to cause havoc together. I plan on having a LOT of DC and Marvel characters cameo (including one cameo I plan to sneak past the Fanfiction dot net censors). If there’s any specific character you guys would like to see appear, feel free to let me know (I’ve got a decent list already, but it can always be longer). Until next time guys…


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